Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
