I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
