someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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