I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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