I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
