The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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