SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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