btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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