I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
