Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
