thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
