Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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