RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
