I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
