Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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