1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Terrible idea I love it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
