Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
