Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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