Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
