Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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