I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
