ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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