A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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