Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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