Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
