I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am available for nakedness
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