Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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