Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
