Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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