my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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