remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
