I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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