Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
