mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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