Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
