you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
