im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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