I only kidnapped one of them. chill
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
