could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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