my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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