she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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