Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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