Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
