I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
