The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
