I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Life is so much better after having sex.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
