Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
