I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
