Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
