I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
