nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
