once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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