So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
