I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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